dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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