Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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