Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
