i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
