I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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