i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
