I can tuck mytits in my pants
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
