please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
