how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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