Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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