like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
