i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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