8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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