but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
