And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
