somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
