i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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