Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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