I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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