My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
