I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
