this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
