I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
