we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
