you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
