Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We're too hungover to prance.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
