I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
