Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
