So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
