so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
