Well douche your snatch and let's go!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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