yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize