Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
