Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
