Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
