I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
