Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
