I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
