Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She is in my trunk
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
