last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
