Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize