the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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