well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
