I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
