At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
