What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
