We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
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the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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