Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
