Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
