last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
