Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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