I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
