So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
