I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize