You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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