Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
where are my eyebrows?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
