and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
