the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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