Don't make out with my wife yet
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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