Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
