I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
