Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
