you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
