Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
