if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize