just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
