dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
