Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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