I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
