he looks like a really good dad on facebook
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I am mentally ready for anal.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize