My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
