I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
