He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
