oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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