If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize