hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
