I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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