You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
