I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
