You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
