i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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