I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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