hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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