its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
