he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
