TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We named our party play list daddy issues
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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