Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
