I want to make a zoo with you.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
