my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
