The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
