He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
