You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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