Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
this will be a night to untag.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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