Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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